I didn’t think my inaugural post on this site was going to be one about how my walk with God hasn’t been much of a walk at all. I felt like this was going to be the first post and not some insightful post about the current state of evangelicals or something like that.
I was thinking over about the current condition of my faith and realized that I’ve reached a crisis point. No, I am not giving up my faith nor am I planning on it. In fact, very far from it! I realized during my drive home, however, that I was in love with good emotions from songs, profound insights about the nature of God, and the community of the church, but that I had no breathing relationship with God Himself. I loved worship music because I’d feel so exhilarated about the goodness of God and I loved reading about God in books. Some profound insight from a 19th century philosopher/theologian? I’m all for it! Love for God, though? Really?
I’ve found myself as a man standing outside a grandeur palace and being in love with the shrubbery surrounding it. I’m a man marveling at the gold painted gates and the majestic entranceway but that I had lost touch with Host of the palace and was apart from the breathtaking palace halls. No longer was I like David in wanting to “dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life”. I was content in conversations of the palace, seeing pictures of it, and an occasional stroll in its neighborhood.
The thought pierced me to the core and made me realize why my so-called spiritual highs have been so fleeting. I’ve been exhilarated by thoughts of God from afar, but I’ve forgotten the feeling of being intoxicated by the love of the Father on a relational level. My heart was made to be brought through and into increasingly greater valences of intimacy with God and I felt that the one furthest from Him sufficed. I’m brought back to the passage from 1 Corinthians. I can tell seeds of wisdom to people seeking God and guide them to a fruitful walk. Heck, I can preach, serve, give, but if I don’t have an organic and thriving relationship with God, all of it is empty and in many ways, useless.
Time to go straight to the Abba Father’s House for real. Better is one day there than thousands elsewhere.
Freedom in Christ,